Unhealthy coping / leading to extreme loneliness in students & adults

It is sad that the culture at times has taken the words “Anxiety & Depression” as buzz words. I’ve learned that these are not buzz words, these are very real health conditions.  When it is excused as buzz words or “they will get over it” we are truly putting some at a major life risk.

Please take time and read the below blog post by Tim Elmore – We need to prepare to see this be more and more prevalent.


The numbers were just released by the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS), and American life expectancy has dropped for the first time since World War I. In fact it’s dropped for the last three years. When I first read this, I was stunned. Seriously? Isn’t science and medicine making advances to increase life expectancy? Absolutely. The trouble is—suicide rates are up, which is among the top two reasons for the decline in life spans. This is not just sad, it’s tragic.

45,000 Americans were lost to suicide over the past year. I have a sneaking suspicion if this many people were killed due to other causes, we’d address them instantly. For some reason, however, we seem perplexed about what to do. The demographics are what make this most sad. It’s often victims you wouldn’t predict:

  1. Middle school and high school students
  2. Military personnel
  3. Student athletes
  4. University students

A new survey funded by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention discovered that 94 percent of us believe suicide is preventable. Scientists have established that the destructive urge to commit suicide is fleeting. If we could come up with ways to better identify potential victims and offer coping mechanisms as well, we might be able to reduce the number of young people committing suicide.

When young adults have suicidal thoughts, it stems from:

  • Loneliness
  • Feeling overwhelmed
  • Being bullied
  • Feeling anxious or depressed
  • Hopelessness

To be clear, some students suffer from extreme mental health issues and need both counseling and medication. However, most are likely kids who need to learn how to navigate life’s stresses that come to all of us. In her research on “grit” Dr. Angela Duckworth suggests that millions of teens haven’t developed the grit or resilience that our grandparents’ generation had decades ago. For many, even the smallest of setbacks makes them spiral downward emotionally. A bad grade. A breakup. An injury. A bully. Getting cut from the team or the cast. FOMO. Believe it or not, I’ve seen these very obstacles cause suicidal thoughts in students.

It is imperative we equip them to navigate these obstacles.

Quite predictably, many teens today migrate toward coping mechanisms that utilize technology. Our smart phones, video games and streamed content are a quick fix to distract us from our problems. Kids simply default to what brings them comfort. Unfortunately, students frequently fail to consider the negative impact of those mechanisms. Let me remind you of some of the most common ones:

  1. Scrolling on smart phones. Sadly, this can make them even more anxious.
  2. Vaping. Sadly, this can be addictive rather than liberating or strengthening.
  3. Posting selfies. Sadly, these are only distracting and make us narcissistic.
  4. Binge watching video. Sadly, this just artificially medicates our problems.

So what can we do to equip everyday students who feel this way? Are there coping skills they can employ to combat these emotions? When psychologists or therapists use the term “coping skills,” it’s a positive term. They are healthy habits to navigate stressful situations. They require hard work, but these skills are healthy and helpful:

1. Meditation and breathing.

I’ve written about this before. Often, stopping to breathe slowly and deliberately can untangle an anxious mind. Meditating on positive truths or good memories both can reduce anxiety. It enables us to focus on constructive thoughts, even our own growth, and see a larger picture. Many today call this mindfulness and I find it very helpful.

2. Calling a trusted friend.

Everyone should have at least one person in their life who they can call and gain a listening ear, an empathetic heart and a change in perspective. John Crosby said “mentors are a brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on, and a kick in the seat of the pants.” I know many students who recovered from hopelessness by instantly calling a friend.

3. Serving others meaningfully.

Any act of service to others gets your mind off of yourself. While I know the problem may not be this simple, adding value to someone else cultivates the best in all of us. This has been proven over and over again. I am most prone to feel melancholy when I focus on myself.  Looking outward almost always helps restore hope.

4. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

This term, CBT, has surfaced as a helpful coping tool for anyone who feels hopeless or anxious. It represents logical thinking, instead of emotional reasoning. Suicidal thoughts come from cognitive distortions. CBT forces us to challenge hopeless voices in our heads and exchange them for positive reasoning and true self-affirmations.

I encourage you to look these up and study them. We have to find a way to offer hope to those that are hopeless.

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